1

Is a flow of blood like mercury pressing my brain?
It was probably due to that caused by a teacher in relation with the school. While thinking blankly, today's lunch would be eaten somewhere around near the station. Restaurant mall something had to be in the top floor here, certain.
I kept entering a large-sized department store.

Yokoozi Yusuke, attending a 3rd grade of a high school. In spite of an important season for the study, it was a breather escaping from the pressure that was similar to also called "Sabori". Enthusiasm to study for the examinations was being eroded.

I was waiting for an elevator at the first floor, that was going to be lifted to where was generally known as a restaurant town at the 6th floor. A foriegner and a Japanese who were talking some fluent english. Blue nameplates were attached in their chest pockets. They came in the elevator same timing as me.
Is it being opened with an international conference, or are they probably coming from a foreign capital-based company?

The foreigner who was standing next door while glancing at me. The sound of "chi" was likely audible sound "te" by my sensers. Even only a time hadn't been done yet to visit any foreign countries. A smacking by the foreigner that was made an unpleasant in comparison with others, leaded my mouth formed four words on purpose.
"F-U-C-K"
It turned glaring me in a harsh look by the foreign man who made the face deep-red. The malice behavior was completely unsuitable in the atmosphere, also was continued being against me of the next door. But the pulling his face was trembled clearly then.
"Shit.."
It arrived at the 6th floor.

Watching the back of the foreigner who kept getting off the elevator briskly.
When the door of the elevator was being opened, a uniformed girl who had same gray color as a high school I was commuting, came out of the elevator.
"Oh.."
My voice was put out unintentionally.
The pupil was surprised, just instant directed the face under that way and kept passing through me with trot to hide somewhere.
"Was there Yanagida in same class?"
I could not be also aware in existence of a man who was walking before her.

She was a pupil of same class, extremely normal placid woman. It was not the meaning that her studies evaluated had been so excellent, sport and cultural activities either. Also she was not a man lover as a typical woman who had any charms for men. Simply there might have been something reason that she stopped appearing at the school. It was also extremely recent thing then.
Sometimes her friends was coming together around her desk, also had chatted often. It didn't seem to have a feeling that was especially ignored from her friends too.

As an impression of "piripiri" on morning supplementary lessons and some small tests everyday, study for taking examinations was being unfolded. As some results of pre-test, a university that I would be able to commute from my parent's house, would allow me to enter. It was not the meaning that I had abandoned to the entrances into few famous universities, but they probably would not allow me to enter. Recently, I could feel myself that I was easily to escape from this pressure to unrevealed somewhere then.

- Home.
Listening "jyanirokuwai", I was solving a problem of mathematics.
I usually studied without being too bored. Especially when solving problems of mathematics, between carrying out in order to solve by a sharp pen and transmitting the nerve to my brain, needed some quality musics and not so noisy. Though at the house, I had not been given my own room especially, I could hear most of them by a head phone. Favorite tunes were hearing repeatedly.

　　　　　　　　　　　　　2

The following day.
When a chime of class-end ended, I simultaneously grasp a bag which was being put the left side of my desk. Also went through the corridor. I was passing the corridor by the next class. After coming out of the building of shcool briskly, I faced to the kendo place. Though the kendo and judo places had been simultaneous built as a building, each dojo were separated structurally, it was like as a flat house. And there was a door among these rooms so that we was able to go through each others. The door was used for a passage substituting instead.

Comparing to other high schools in the region, it was weaker than others. It was not only the reason that the advisor who guides specially didn't exist, the majority of the pupils were beginners.
Then practicing there was no pain at all for me, so that only scattering my stress from this stupid school life, because of my previous experience of the training when I was a junior high school age in the fact that belonged to the kendo club.
"Hey Sasaki, voice more!"
"Yes, Sir!"
"Inui! Squeezing properly."
"Yes, Sir."

Most of 3rd grade pupils on other clubs had retired already.
"Come here as alignment."
The 1nd and 2nd grade pupils made a line at the center of the dojo. Only 6 pupils, it was all of them. Only the number of pupils at least which would be able to participate in some competitions. There was only one pupil of kendo experienced in junior high school age among those.
"It is coming on a kendo competition in this area. We will have a test game with A high school in next week, all rights?"
"Yes, Sir!"
"Okay.., devide into Inui team and Sasaki team. The 3-bon games, also time limitlessness!"

Inui and Sasaki..
They were the pupils whom I trained. In regard to Inui among these, he experienced kendo in junior high school, he had the capability almost same level as me. Though Sasaki started kendo from high school, it seemed that he had good splendidly like gale which utilizeed the instantaneous power like cheetah even in the games with upper-class pupils. These two became strong enough then, it was a pride of me.
"Yokoozi-san, it comes, soon."
As Inui said so, the eyes were allotted to the entrance.
"I see.."
Saying so, disliking the things came in my head.

"Hattori.."
He was the advisor of this kendo club, also the head teacher of my class.
The subjects which Hattori was teaching were those which I disliked to study. Former test results of all subjects were bad well. Additionally just classical and chinese literatures were bad extremely above these.
Memorisation for words of classical literature and recitation for sentence examples of chinese literature were being repeated everyday. These jobs in my brain needed patience toughly. It wasn't understand for me to enable to have one step of the beginning for masters of them, I just felt only boring.
In any case, what compared to, I disliked the everything Hattori-related, also the existence of Hattori.
There were fans for Hattori, also the place for communication with only them. The doctrine seemed to be partiality clearly. It effected an influence on the motivation for the preparatory study for the examinations.

"Yokoozi!"
"Do you prepare taking the upcoming examinations?"
He said loudly toward me.
"May be done as well, gradually.."
Hattori was always wearing sandals like what you would see in toilets. He affected or infected all of my high school life, any other things outside of this school also had been likely to be entwined by it too. Although it was important time that would changes my future after the graduating.

"Classical and chinese literatures probably will not be included the second test of the university which you wish to attend, but unless you study this seriously, you would regret afterwards anyway."
What Hattori said hit little at least. Perhaps a key of passing and disqualification, classical and chinese literatures might be a point to pass the exams.
"For that, it is impossible you to be nominated because of your attitude."

Stories of recommendation were heard recently well around. The pupil whom records of student council activity and club activity, and routine tests were good enough, designated early for passing the exam of the university that they wanted to join. There was also consideration only for pupils whom the head teacher of the class in short, Hattori's favorite and his taste. Although the kendo activity anyhow, having the fact how I attituded would be considered, classical and chinese literatures which had almost poorer than the others for me especially, that I had to ask the man to allow the application first which must be patient thing by any means.

A night at home..
Llistening to a radio program, I had been solving a problem on physics.
"...Next song is, with a request of 'jiyanirokuwai' from Ms Yanagida."
Waves caused by a piano which was coming out of a guitar, were entwined each other. In the small waves, they turned and produced new of them, piled up. The kind of feeling had been spread in my head. It was my favorite tune. I stopped solving that.

"Anyway, the person who requested, was 'Yanagida' ?"
"Does she usually hear this program? I saw her some days ago at a large-sized department store. She has been absent the school recently. As she is hearing such a radio program at her house? Do that she doesn't come to the school, seem therefore not so serious?"
Becoming tired I had an afterimage of Yanagida in the corner of my head.
I had never ever expected the fact that it befalls to me.

　　　　　　　　　　　　　3

A following day..
Yanagida was sitting down her seat in our class. There was no difference of the atmospheres between with and without her. So being her existence, there was no reaction there.
"Yanagida.."
Since becoming a pupil of this class, perhaps it was the first time for me to talk to her. When I was to the vicinity of her seat, then I quarried out.
"Hum?"
She seemed just a little surprised and annoyed feelings while looking at me. I received the impression among us as fresh as something difference unless whenever I had been felt long before.

"Yokoozi-kun.."
"What were you doing such a place?"
"Nothing in particular"
She appeared to expect being asked something from me, or expected a thing happen with me, anyway.
In the kind of attitude what she begs was there.
"Something it was?"
So I tried hearing what it was.
"That's okay.."
A little, her eye's focuses were not agreeable, only facing toward the floor of her front, somehow would be adjusted there. They were describing her inside fluctuated.

"We are.. something.. coming school only for the club as for me, it seems the same way, even you are.."
"No, it doesn't mean... maybe"
She shuted me to talk, also her eyes had scrutinized point motionlessly, likely probably to display the strength of the determination.
"There is nothing at all.. sorry"
While gaze moving around, she said.
"Wm...."
She seemed to make an excuse improbable in looking down. An atmosphere that the gaze from pupils whom Yanagida only had good relations in this class, were sitting down in the vicinity, kept away toward me.
"Well.."
While expanding the hand with the feeling of giving up. I tried to go away from that place.
"Sorry.."
She murmured so, as same timing as when I stood up from the chair by Yanagida's.
Instantly, the movement stopped.
" 'jyanirokuwai' is your favorite?"
Then Yanagida's face tuened instantly surprised, and barely had a smile..

"Tests will be done today also tomorrow... ever."
Until it would be passed, a stuffing-type studying continued. Whether the sort of tests would be useful in the future, any reasons more than just for taking examination? I already started thinking an excuse not to study. Among non-consciousness thinking that had appeared and disappeared, probably kept falling off.
"Most important test is going to approached several monthes later. Probably most of all pupils would take the center exam. Either study of second test is important of course. But, first it is the center test which you should focus on."
Like a spell in order to stuff or brainwash by means of such a shouting that was repeated everyday. I liked to be washed even such a kind of spells, if they were effectively, but it was Hattori's voice that was the disagreeable voice to fan my repugnance and sleepiness.

"Listen! Yokoozi!"
When Hattori shouted, gazes of the pupils faced to me simultaneously. The atmosphere was locked, then a woman pupil sitting next to me was poking little with a mechanical pencil the back of a friend sitting before her.
"Shit.."
I was getting disable to control my some stress gradually, like a small boat that its pilot was lost.
"Well.., we don't recommend 3rd grade pupils joining and having club activities who should had been already retired, even if someone is still going. Change your mind, then we want you to strive for your study"
Hattori talked and glancing some times at me.
"It's boring.."
My sitting down shallow was changed to a little deeply with my arms folded.
"fuu.."
I was doing yawns while thinking of the boring lecture wishing to be finished.

"Well, classical literature's word test is ready to be done, put away your text and note books."
The usual well-known a small test, it would release with correct answer of 8 questions in 10 questions, the others had to remain in the classroom like as prison and it would have to take the re-test. Classical and chinese literatures, also english, there were 3 times test a day.

There was a kind of attitude which is done in contempt of the woman pupil next to me when the grading time by exchanging between her's and mine. At each time she usually grades with a look of scorn.
"6 points.."
The paper which was written by red was transferred from the woman pupil. Even her fullest capacity, it was the score which included her consideration.
"Remember having the re-test for any who are not fulled in 8 points after then"
Saying so, Hattori grasped the choke.
"Wm.."
Lots of times, sigh a day.
Once I had been counting the time of "becasue therefore" that a mathematics teacher repeated a class. Well.., counting my own sigh might be more boring I guessed. Thinking such stupid things among the class, the chime sounded then. The paper graded in the pocket of the blazer was crumpled.
The classical literature class ended, the usual way the headache went out temporarily.

When it entered a break, Yanagida was calmly standing beside my chair.
"Ah.."
I was surprised to look at the Yanagida's face.
"What?" I asked.
"Just a little.."
As her hand was a something inviting sign under the waist, it leaded appearing to the veranda. The veranda during morning was a liitle early for a good sleep. There was no other pupils there.
Yanagida was looking down, I was guessing that she probably would talk about private things, for example relations among man and woman, so that I expected secretly to recive a love letter from her.

A little later..
"Well.." she murmured.
"To tell the truth.."
"……"
Being too abrupt even in remainder, I could not react instantaneously.
... It seemed that she was sexuality assaulted.

"Yanagida facing my eyes?"
From the point of view of my ordinally day, there was widely different feeling that was accustomed to actuality.
"Who did?"
Voice became smaller.
"I can't say.."
"Why?"
"Even.."
She seemed to try to answer or how to explain well, there was her perplexed face. After a moment instantly, she once looked at my face, it turned previous again immediately.
"What were you doing there.., were you doing something..?"
Voice was slipped on. As being worry about around there, I put my hands on Yanagida's shoulder to enable her to sit down. It was unnatural that we were talking something so densely, becasue of differences between her usual attitude and mine, would never been expected having stuffs for other pupils.
"Never.."
Yanagida hesitated whether to say or not.
"...."
I was waiting for opening her mouth to start talking something.

Little later..
"Hatto.."
Yanagida looked at my face quickly.
"...Hattori?"
"……"
She didn't answer.
"Fuck.. that nasty fish! "
I was guessing that the nasty one might have been anybody of university students or pupils in other classes.
"The fish.. with its own pupil!"
A detestation impression against Hattori also a strange feeling of something envy welled up, but that were not in relation with Yanagida, They were just against the immorality of Hattori's activities and much difference in comparison with his ordinally behaviors. There was also a strange feeling of excitation from hearing the fact in my whole body.
"...."
Her face was getting down furthermore. There seemed to be still something not to say compared to having the sexual assault.
".. You don't talk to anyone, do you?"
That seemed when she inquired about this once, it was necessary for me to have the meaning of sharing the secret.
"I will not to talk anyting.."
"...."
Yanagida became the kind of countenance which barely feels at rest.
"I had decided to have recommendation of me for a university before that"
"So?"
"When I asked about it to Hattori teacher, then..."
It included the fragment that her countenance turned to hatred.
"...."
"Shit!"
I quickly understood that fact that she wanted to say.
"With that.., instead of the recommendation.."
"That's enough"
I didn't want to listen above that.

Recommendation as feed for the pupils of his own class..
When some days ago encountering at the large-sized department store, her uniform which she had worn. It was probably Hattori's taste as metamorphosis.
"Please don't say anybody, Hattori teacher either."
There was a Yanagida's face having entreated to me.
"I didn't dislike Hattori teacher so much, that could be just an occasion in order to get a recommendation. If that happened then, it was just an accident with him, therefore.."
I couldn't understand the feeling of this woman.
So, why she talked to me the fact which she allowed the incident called as sexual assualt generally?
I was disagreeable to that she once talked to me about the incident, but also asked me not to say anybody.
"So.. she shouldn't talk to me about it, anyway"
It was just promoting hatred against Hattori more. However, I could grasp his limpness as only a good thing.

Center of the city, I was riding my bicycle and passing by a station.
"The Yanagida.., such a gentl.."
She was never outstanding in the classroom even if she tried to be so. It was no curious thing of her absent from the classroom everyday. It might have been because of her sickness or any other reasons not to attend the class. As betrayed my prejudice for her was transfered to that sexual desire smoldered somehow.

"Gloomy.., accumulating.."
"Anyway, is Hattori who is a calculating man going to do such a non-considerable thing normally? At first, how they would go such a rude place? A teacher of a high school and a woman pupil in daytime without being aware of them seemed to be difficult.."
"Well, I shouldn't take consideration of the man, it is no meaning to act as good faith unless trying to threaten him."
"..Nasty fish"

I was considering how I would plunge Hattori into a difficult situation. Being possible, it could be informing to a board of education. But, when it was done, there would be possibility of the ending. I would not be satisfied with my malice that had been accumulated for some years.

To be done indirectly led very small amount of fear impression to the fish man. It would be my weakness that he would understand. There would not be perfect way that gives him the fear without perfectly executing by my own malice directly.

　　　　　　　　　　　　　4

Kendo place (Dojo) ..
"Inui, just a little.."
Before the club starts, I called Inui.
"About one hour going for marathon with everyone, what do you think?"
"It could be, .. seems no problem, but..　why?"
Inui looked little worried while glancing at me, who was asking him a strange thing.
"Okay.., I asked you."

I was glaring Inui, almost was close to threat. Something the strange feeling was received to him, the eyes looked like beast. Designated a game beforehand, when something dangerous thing was schemed. Although being understood before something bad would be happened, it seemed to enabled to make alignment, there were some attracted something for Inui.

For a while, Inui seemed to understand that I was going to execute it as punishment.
"Please be careful the man.."
"Shut up!"
I interrupted him to continue. Inui was glaring at me.
"About one hour later, we will come back here."
Inui left there to the place where other members were gathered.

Before a while waiting for Hattori.
"We are going.."
Inui bowed me with behavior looked like appearing in the edo-era drama. The member who excludes Inui didn't look at my face. There was a sign that didn't want to have a relationship with me.
"Se.."
I saw off them while making an artificial smile.

"Well.."
I was checking and verifying whether parts of bamboo sticks were allocated properly into the place. The head point which covered by a piece of skin, was rubbing with my fingertips while watching trees and shrubs on the other side of the window blankly.
"Fuu.."
It differed from that which I had felt before. Something another feeling made the nerve of my body been more sensitive. This was something different from such as insecurity and expectation. It was probably a different thing coused due to human with the instinct by nature. My body was naturally left to the feeling that I'd never have.

"No one is coming?"
Hattori was looking around the empty dojo, standing near the entrance.
"They were just a little going to a marathon to endure our hard practice."
"Oh, really?"
With no surprised so much, Hattori entered the dojo.
"Only you are here?"
"Yes."
"……"
"Mr. Hattori.., could you train me some time?"
"Why not? but.. you've never asked me.."
Hattori had been surprised to the rare proposition.
"Because I would like to have a something memorial event for me to retire this kendo club"
"I see, but take my blank of kendo practice into your consideration."
"Yes, it is just last commemoration.."

Hattri's mood was better than the usual in his class, because I had never had compromised time with him. After becoming a teacher of this high school, he was thought to begin kendo here. Whether or not there was a sense, it was ability far from my current skill.
"Are you having some matter of concerning of the preparation seriously to take the examinations?"
While Hattri changing his clothes, asked me.
"Yes, that would makes me have an encouragement to take the examinations completely as you think."
It was the intention of the saying on different meaning.
"Classical and chinese literatures could be persevered with the encouragement, it is in time even from now"
I was tired of this kind of bra bra bra... who could say so on the fact that was hiding relationship with your pupils densely and sexually forced by him?

"Is it okay to the practices of 'uchi-komi' first?" he asked.
"I wouldn't mind." I answered calmly.
Two men attaching the protections without faceguards and gauntlets, came to a place of central "batten sign".
"First, 'Kirikaeshi'"
"Urahh!..."
"Bashi!"
As considerably passed from last practice, Hattori's movement was sluggish enough me to bore. A middle-aged amateur's movement might be easily counter attacked.
"Zei.. zei.. zei.."
"Are you all right?"
"Well.. let's continue.."
Hattori was so sweaty in his front-head.
"Yes.."
"Su.. yah.."
In order from quiet mode to be changed to dynamic mode with anytime, the body should be warmed.

"It would be an instant."
Deciding at an instant of the extent which sensuously could not be felt.
"It is only one time to execute."
"The next is 'men-uchi'."
I became tensed. From a sense of nervous, or strain not to take any failure. It was probably caused by insecure that would follow. The feeling became the element of those tensions, contrarily enjoyable feeling.
"Is it mean to use 'tsuki' among this pre-training?"
"Well, this is not a practice and a tournament game."
"It is just a punishment and a retaliation."

"Please.."
I slipped a little on the left side, also pushed down the bamboo sword on the side in height of my face.
"Will I be able to pierce his throat from this posture..?" I said to my head myself.
"When Hattori starts going into his motion of 'men-uchi', simultaneously my bamboo sword has to be high above my stomach and ready to pierce his throat, and.."
It might be avoided simply, if the eyes of the person who would be attacked were accustomed sensuously.
"If that happens to Hattori, it means that if he could avoid my attack, I just will be able to excuse somehow suitably after then. There is no fearful facts, instead grasping his secret on Yanagida."

"Woooriaa..!"
Hattori shook and the posture tilted in the front. Observing from a Hattori's change of breathing just before going into his motion to "men-uchi", at the same time, pulling my bamboo sword to "chu-dan" quickly, furthermore a strong piercing like a spear instantly attacked Hattori's throat.

If possible, it should be pierced with an angle for being physically the fatal wound.
For the completed condition, Hattori's motion should follow my instantaneous change a little at least. There was also a prerequisite that should not be instantaneous, the timing of just finishing to have the posture to "chu-dan" was best. To pierce from true-front for his fatal wound, Hattri's neck needed to be direct toward me.

"Zu.. gu.. e.. a.."
The sound that Hattori's throat was destroyed and his scream a little were heard.
Hattori's tongue had drooped from his mouth and showed the whites of his eyes. Hattori had been collapsed in a form of turning over almost on the center of the dojo. Deformed in a strange shape of his throat, Hattori didn't seem to breathe, though it was improbable under consciousness like a dying fish, his lips were barely moving.

Well.., Hattori perhaps fainted temporarily or dying already, his throat had changed into the black-red color. The liquid has drooped from his mouth, there was no color of the lips.
Expectation that it becomes like this, was not thought for me. For a while later, other members probably would come back here. Perhaps, these kinds of things were might expected for the pupils, but such an urgent situation probably would not be..

"I did it, anyhow.."
Just satisfaction expected and an unexplainable feeling like ecstasy were remained.
But it was self-conceit to struggle against that was dropped out myself simply.

For a while later..
Hattori is being carried by an ambulance car.
There are some gathered pupils outside of this dojo.
Among those, there is Yanagida near the entrance with an expressionless smile.

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This novel was translated from the original in Japanese by the author.



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( Copyright by Takashi Yama )

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