A mass of cool seawater is crawling up a slope, and starts washing away
two sand-moats arround stepped by my feet. Masses of liquidity are tickling
both feet. I'm sensing my position as being inclined gradually with my
own pendulum.
Once those masses are in a calm though, they are now assimilating into
a space where is unable me to breath by a constant force. A million of
structural particle poles supporting my feet vertically against a force
are being collapsed by reflection flows.
Semipermanently being repeated a catch-ball, between an aero-force and
an attractive force localized.
My own weight stamps a sense of my foot beneath off-shore side being tickled
by lots of particles of wet sand, and I newly take a step forward by the
other foot on-shore side.
Dry some sand particles are being hung on my shin-hair, also some white
grains of salt crystal as well. The itch is imperceptible, because sun's
radiation might force my senses numbed.
Though most parts of the surface of this dune is heated as high as a burned
skillet, the shore-line area is cool enough to be felt nicely.
A trace quickly would be removed, that is convenient phenomenon of nature.
Unevenly distorted my inside is cleaned up, oppositely my thoughts for
waves is lashed, I'm wishing my past a road to transform into like a dune
while walking around the shoreline slowly as usual.
Not so easy to erase my footprints so far. My existence, not other's memories,
it will be repeated.
I have been understanding that the day is to be close since the beginning to live here. No food probably preys my health.
A midsummer season is coming toward me. Painful wind being capable of developing
winter waves, is of course disadvantage for Taiji's physical and mental.
It would be more intolerable for my starved body to have the midsummer
sunshine though.
I'm wishing being flown away from the shoreline along the rip-current offshore
with an abandoned surfboard.
Early morning at coastal sea produces pure and cool breezes. Footstep's
sounds by fascinated surfers are to be heard from somewhere. Clear blue
spreading all over the sea is giving its charm eternity.
Surfers are to become small and to swim with a sense that is sucked into
the deep blue off-shore. Their heads like as sesame's grains are up and
downs with swell waves, a large flock of seabirds is flying from somewhere
above the sea region where a current rip being different colors.
It is a rhythm created by waves and flying seabirds.
Human's achievement doesn't interest the transparent feeling having the
spread of encompassing for watching people. Instead, warnings against the
slowdown for nature will turn into disaster with no collateral.
A simple mechanism continueing until its a collapse, no matter who exists
there.
2
"……"
Taiji looked at his feet with a smile like despising something.
There is a man sitting with a plastic bag within my visibility. Holding
the bag in his left hand putting its opening onto his mouth in order to
sniff a small quantity of paint thinner. Around 20-year-old man has been
seen some times a month here, several times he has said to me something
stranges since his appearing here. Lack of his front tooth when he smiled
once, was impressive.
The man who seems a little stupid, usually drives a white car and hiding
pinewoods behind. Because there is no sign of bruising anywhere, he has
the capable of driving his car at least anyway.
He seems to notice my watching him though, he is included within my visibility
and having an attitude of acting to snif it rather than hiding from me.
Due to the lack of front tooth or not, his histrionically humorous impresses
funny.
"Bastard.."
Recent thinner addicts have almost disappeared, but possessed young man
rarely come here where is no other people, for sniffing drugs something.
There is only sound that hitting the surface of sea water by waves here
where is very calm that seems me to image that some incidents will happen
here only for the first time.
A helicopter is flying above the coast whether it might be against international
crimes. Near coast like here enables suspects to be exposed to them due
to there is no other people and only being calm. Then I guess myself being
non-wary person included to their list even though living here a long time
already.
Some pieces of plywood embedded into the sand is now a comfortable myhome.
This place where almost infinite ocean sea water exists, enables me to
urinate and defecate, but doesn't provide me some drinkable water. Sewage
draining from houses nearby is still undrinkable. And a kind of bathroom
and toilet has rarely been seen along this coast. So about 3km looking
for water by walking sometimes will be done way to a convenience store.
This dirty-dressed attracts at where young people from urban area are talking
and doing something before their surfing. But it is fun accustomed now
for me. Once they talked to me where is the good point to surf among the
beach. They might think me as a homeless who lives in the neighborhood
of the beach. Plenty of the answers exist in my experience for my living
and prowl here almost every day. Though depending on the weather, the point
where good waves come, also the shortcut to get off-shore where the rip-current
will be generated. That's the same thing of that asking to seabird where
is the good point to easily catch fishes.
Knowledge experienced during living here a long time easily classifies
people came from the city and local. The attention and consideration for
the environment from city's people seem to be poorer than the local people.
Why I think so is that sometimes it turns into a violence against me. Though
I admit them to feel unpleasantly me who seems to be a homeless. But the
injury is a serious problem rather than lack of foods. Because no one will
remedy the injury.
The young man stands up and get into his car parking over the pine forest.
And he went away with his legs swinging from there.
How drug addicts could feel good while watching such a huge ocean.
I will accept and ride on his invitation for forgetting this hunger.
3
Dune that buries anything being fascinated.
Taiji's clothes which haven't been washed for a long time, like a piece
of rag, have a style like as well as heros in historical TV shows. The
pieces of rag is washed out in the heat of the sun. It doesn't take time
so much by dried completely.
My feet are unprotected as wearing nothing, though there are lots of left
slippers and shoes on the beach. They are unnecessary to walk among the
dune.
Garbage when big waves come is rolling arround here. Vegetation growing
on the land-side of the boundary is much there.
Even though living here in some thick skin of my feet, it is hardly dare
to walk the land-side of vegetation.
A bamboo cane which I have in my right hand, is dried and about 1m length
with thin golden brown colour. Just enough length to play sandlot baseball
when the childhood. Alone now it is in a reliable buddy supporting me to
have the solid foothold in the sand unstable. Fifth stick since I started
living here maybe. Changing to an artificial stick was done only once,
but it was easily broken after then. Bamboo is still good.
Why gone off the tracks behind me is that I am walking on the shoreline
where waves is repeating zigzag.
Clam within this beach can be eaten raw.
Fishing people nearby usually get chances to buy those clams cheaper than
the other area when the lots are caught. They are high quality enough to
be sold in 100 yen at supermarkets I think.
Only to satisfy my hunger stomach is thing from nature. It is not so bad
going to be buried and to die with nature as a piece of it.
4
There is no meaning of going for a walk to the south, it is just a routine,
walking to a jetty at few kilometres of the south during the morning in
cool summer.
Spending time with nature and enjoying it throughout the body.
A shallow beach, that's why big waves come here, and the cool forms of
breaking waves.
The artistic view of the tip of breaking waves like as a sparkling fuse,
it only will be seen at the calm condition in summer comparison with another
season's.
Kashima-port is located at the north end of this beach.
In the morning large container ships and ferry boats sometimes cross along
the coastal area. Is that beggars' custom to shake the hands even though
they can't see me? It might be an expression of the feeling that I want
to return.
Second summer has been being welcomed since I started living here.
During the afternoon hours in the sun, I usually hide within the shadows
under the pine forests or dive into the seawater. Diving into the seawater
is done during only this season. If I am asked why, I would answer that
there is no reason in particular. Though I don't know whether to call myself
a socially disadvantaged, it is rarely think about it becasue of the reason
that no one seems to care about my social.
I dare say that I'm to live modestly and miserably here sharing natural
resources little given.
Natural providence in the single-minded is more scary than human's mind
is discovered after living here.
Two young women looking at the view of the sea talking with each other
put their body boards beside their feet. Both are not so young as I though
before. Older one noticed my unusual odor and looked over badly with a
glance. An end of her mouth slunt up and the eyes become sharp. They would
feel the smell is flown on sea breeze, becasue of my walking at the seaside.
My walking act is slow as usual, though I'm not conscious of it particularly.
One of the women spits on the sand beside, and then glares at me.
They don't look local people.
"Shitt.."
She clucked over her tongue against my glance at and licking her body.
"Go away!"
She kicked the sandpit by the forefoot and shouting so.
"……"
I smile her while saying nothing.
A distance being possible to reach her ankle by this bamboo stick in my
right hand.
I'm just passing in front of the women.
"……"
It is for a moment which I used to have bad mood before, but now..
After then their silly talk's sound is heard from my backward.
"Fuu.."
I finally arrived at a jetty when sun rised high already.
The clock I have had before living here, becomes an unnecessary machine
for knowing time. Calendar is naturally also nonexistent in my house. There
is more a number of people from somewhere at weekends visit here than ordinary
day, public holiday and summer vacation too, and a lot of families in Bon
vacation.
The flow of people works as a calendar, and the height and direction of
the sun work as a watch instead.
Stomach clock is already in trouble anyhow.
The stuffs floated from abroad is often written in Hangul. A lot of amount
of garbage that someone is scattering into the sea from somewhere, are
floated here. How to be washed up here nearby Kashima-port located at Pacific
ocean side from Korean Peninsula? And recently car dumping is noticeable.
No one won't swim in sandy beaches that seem to be infected or cars are
dumped, though I don't care about them honestly.
Jetty prevents erosion of the sediment but causes oddly flow. Pounding
waves at the tip, there are some fishing line and hook, seems to be abandoned.
I decided never to get there after then.
To go south from jetty and dune continues.
"Have a rest and return.."
I lie down on the jetty while thinking so.
5
Irregularly reflected golden and transparency colours are mixed, further
more are seepaged from the surface.
Mass is transitted under unrepeated random string. It is controlled by
bluish shadows of awkwardness except for it.
Comfortable sea breeze awakes me from my sleep.
The heat reflection from sand serface is less than daytime's after the
sunset even in midsummer.
Cool airflow licks my cheek.
Dark all around and quiet.
I thought it was only the first time that someone's no being, stirs up
the fear.
Is here the equivalent of death world under consciousness or still temptation,
like that preconceived notions enable not to enjoy beauty?
Invisible sand snuggles the sole of my foot.
It is like a rebellious black cat who is sobbing hearing from the underground.
Yellow and dark blue who are quite happily dancing, will not interfere
with each other, even though an unpainted canvas is spread on the beach
at midnight. Just unsparingly sinking.
A cool sense steps me when I start walking.
Stepping out the closed visibility while recognizing the repeated movement.
Walking during the day time as possible or staying along the path of a
layer string between water's edge and sand slope, is advisable to go back
home.
A folly thing to be lost on the winter's coast where is nothing to rely
on at night, is equivalent to say that there is no meaning between human
and the interaction arround, even there is something attractive force or
not to help feeling the evanescence of nature.
Strength from my legs' sole enforces a sea-shell buried.
Floated something imperceptibly sodden remnants like kelp, is clinging
my tip of a toe.
I can image the feeling of stamping a jellyfish, but no one might understand
why I wanted to do again. How do they lure with their bodies seen through
from anybody. They might think that is none of the business.
It is enough to have no prospect of my life.
Existence will never extinguish the other existences, it also will not
be the substitute.
It is only a mere sham and a goner unless the body being. It is not humorous
to shuffle at least.
My step which is similar to a children's walk with the sulks, is the evidence
of having a feeling of arriving at the place soon.
It will enable my body having half-day-long sleep to feel comfortable further more..
My ankle gets entangled something tickle.
An instant I hear something my backward, but to enforce being unaware it
to forward.
E-mail (Plaese change [AT] to @) This story is fiction. The places, persons and company names, etc. do not
exist.
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( Copyright by Takashi Yama )
