Beer to be made ILLEGAL!!!

Grand World President, Fuckyou O'Bummer, yesterday declared that possession, distribution and consumption of beer would be declared a terrorist offense under his preposed new 'Anti-Fun' bill.

The amiable but empty-suited puppet-president declared that if he (read 'they') has his evil way all members of the Crackatinnie tribe, Throwusacoldie family, Getitintoya clan, Ifeellikeatooheysortwo network, and all those having any connection to the aforementioned guzzlers would be thrown into the new Guantanimo (Haiti) and have their corkscrews surgically removed using blunt garden shears!

Needless to say, this has angered civil rights guzzlers who have vowed to innundate the White House with cheese and bacon flavoured vomit.

Stay tuned to Beermonsters International for more details on this breaking story.


Beermonsteration to be assessed as Olympic sport for Athens

'Bekka and Sammie - self admitted "BeerMonsters"

Latest information from member #472q indicates the likelyhood of inclusion for Beermonsteration at the Athens Olympic Games in 2004. Details of lobbying are at this stage sketchy, but full access to Beermonsters Central Stores is likely to be made available to the "controlling body" should this dynamic new sport be embraced.
Stay tuned for updates as they come to hand.

Thousands get
Warning(yeah? Yet another one?  - ed)

A genetically modified strain of beer hop has been found growing its way into the commercial beer system.

Recently identified genetically agressive strain ("Beer2000_1"), unlike the normally passive regular species of hop, forces itself  ( ? - ed ) into its intended victim. The new species is reported to be attracted to the mucus
membranes in the mouth and actively and aggressively pours itself into the biosystem of its victims.
This amazing new beer hop variety has been seen doing its work in several pubs throughout Europe and central and south-east Asia.
A special task force  (send resume to BM Central please) has been
set up by Beermonsters International  to look further into this globally intoxicating dilemma.

please post any sighting and or knowledge you may have about this virilant new beer phenomenon to BM headquarters
 Report Mutant Beer

BeerMonsters are crying foul play after the sudden shutdown of their now infamous BeerMonsters website.

Around 2.23am yesterday the Beermonsters web site was incapacitated, thus throwing numerous beerfolk into panic regarding their future as a fun loving community.
There are numerous reports of foul players seen tampering with the server. Descriptions of the tamperers range from "men in black" to "WHERES WENDY WHEN YOU NEED HER?"

"This was bad!!!" stated the self proclaimed head of BeerMonsters, who commands attention from an estimated 24 million  BeerMonster readers.  "We vow to seek out and exchange pleasantries with the FXXXwits that  did this!!!

 The BeerMonsters server is now back online.



The "Bathurst Burp" article on the recent BeerMonster server failure has been included in this years BilgeMasters short list.

The "Burp" as it is known to Bathurst locals ran a story about the  deletion of the controversial website - BeerMonsters,  which seems to have greatly amused the judges at BilgeMasters. The story in question beerburp was amongst the most "bilgeworthy" stories for the first quarter of 2000, according to our scouces within BilgeMasters.

WACCERS INTERNATIONAL are demanding the immediate shutdown of controvercial new website - BeerMonsters
   WACCERS claim the BeerMonsters website is promoting excessive and indulgent use of Beer, specifically that the site prescribes missuse of beer for de-evolutionary purposes.
 Operators of the BeerMonsters site - who are known only as  "#001" & "#003"  today defended the claims saying only; "Are the bastards saying that we should unscrew clockwise or anticlockwise?"
Demands made by WACCERS (Web Against Contoversial Content Etc.) are;
    1) That BM post immediately a grannywatch type protection system to stop younger surfers from coming across such a site.  2) That Beermonster members be forced to wear identity armbands in public enabling normal citizens to avoid them if needed.
  Some 30 demands are believed to have been lodged with the International Feelgood Commission against Beermonsters International.
 In an unsolicited response to this most recent stink, Beermonsters Member #029 came out of incommunicado to give this reaction " Getfffshh Fuuggkt yu fbrrd.steers "
 #029s statement was later fully endorsed by the electronically contactable majority of Beermonster members.


Primitive BeerShake Discovery
SYDNEY AUSTRALIA - Evidence of primitive Beerituals were uncovered early Saturday morning in Sydney's sleepy Lane Cove!!!
 Whilst gardening in their suburban yard early saturday morning, two Sydneysiders unearthed detailed diagramatic portrayals of what seems to be a long forgotten greeting ritual.
 BeerCentral is currently negotiating  rights to publish the diagrams, which were skillfully carved into the side of an ancient type A Schinkelmopper Slab. Its believed the recordings were made using a blunt pair of tweezers and several bags of frozen "Chippes"
 We hope to post images here within hours.

Elusive BeerLegend #029 seems to have been "Fingered"!!
See the #029 page for pics and details #029 LIVE LIVE LIVE